Real Deal Meditation:Sadness in Hindsight

Sadness in Hindsight

Over the last couple of days I have been getting a lot of comments and emails about my last post “Seeing Through Sadness”.  Today I am sharing some of my hindsight since writing it.  I have been meditating for a long time so it was easy for me to feel safe in my sadness because I had learned to separate myself from sadness or fear or love or whatever emotion I am working with.  The thing I also realized about myself was this:

I realized how much sadness I have ignored, how much I shut my emotions out because I can separate from them or have maybe been afraid of them. When I was a kid there was a lot of tough love that was given in my family.  This tough love was given to toughen us up physically as well as mentally.  Big boys don’t cry was a gentle comment in our house.  So, I learned how to hide away my emotions and how to push emotions down to “never” see them again.

Yes all this made me mentally tough but burying them inside of myself just manifested into Crohn’s Colitis, and that is how I got into meditation in the first place. 

Meditation has always been my secret weapon, it is the tool that lets me watch my sadness (or anything I am experiencing) without reliving it. Writing was the tool that let me express and stay focused on letting go of the things I was holding onto.  I didn’t have to feel the pain or sadness that came with each memory, I just needed to be present and acknowledge that I was sad and that it was alright to feel. As each feeling or memory came up and was acknowledged, it started to clear and my dark place became lighter. 

It was  trying to express it to you that was the great gift to me.  Trying to create a picture to explain something that was abstract and explain how I was feeling, brought me to a new sense of peace that I never felt before.  Let me tell you, doing this stuff only in head is much different than trying to explain it. The written word was powerful and enlightening. I hope it also enlightened you.

I hope that these two posts are helping you look into your sadness or fear or even a sickness and find a new place of peace.

Real Deal Meditation: Perfection as I know it

Perfection As I know It

I tell my class all the time that they are wonderful, talented, beautiful, and perfect.  Recently after class a person came up to me asked me a question.  The question went like this: “if you believe that we are wonderful, talented, beautiful and perfect, does that make you perfect?”

My answer is this: no, it makes me in the present moment where words like perfect, damaged, bad, good, ugly, and beautiful have no real meaning or power.  I say things like “you’re perfect” so you can balance out all the thoughts of yourself that are not telling you that you’re perfect and keeping you away from the present moment.  Any thought you have that describes you, if you think about, is not true in the present moment. 

The person that asked the question looked at me and said, “let me get this straight, so you’re saying that you have no thoughts in the present moment?”  The answer is yes. It wouldn’t be the present moment if I had thoughts that described who I am and what I can do.  But, you have to first work with the thoughts you have at this moment and get them to a balanced state.  Most people when they first meet me and try meditation, take a great amount of thought and energy and time telling me who they are not.  Then I tell them who I think they are, and who they can be.

With meditation and time they fight with these thoughts until they get tired. They either quit meditation or they quit thinking and fighting with themselves about some fake person they are trying to be or not be, and they become their present moment.  I hope this answer helps you.

Real Deal Meditation: Pure Thought

Pure Thought

Think about the power of thought, one simple thought.  I am going to tell you not to think of one pink elephant with big ears. Ok, you all set? Now remember, don’t think about the pink elephant.  Ok how many of you thought of a pink elephant?

Thought can be so powerful that you can change the paradigm of life with your mind.  You can take a beautiful body and mind and crash it with thought. You can tell a beautiful human that they are worthless and tell them no one will ever love them. You can fill them with hate by just repeating one thought over and over again.

You can create illness by repeating in your mind over and over again, the thought: “I am going to get ________” (fill in the blank). Do you see what I am trying to have you understand about thought yet?  You create it, you control it. It is who you are: thought.

Now, think of another thought, something that you are (wonderful, talented, beautiful and perfect) these words right here are what is true about you.  I don’t care about your past, your present, and for that matter, your future.  Now repeat this thought: “I am wonderful, talented, beautiful, and perfect”.  Ok wait for it, here it comes, the rush of chatter.  The thoughts that you’re not wonderful, talented, and perfect are coming knocking on your mind.  Ok let’s do it again, repeat after me in your head “I am wonderful, talented, beautiful and perfect”.  Now sit and wait, wait for the chatter. Has it shown up yet saying “hey this crap doesn’t work, why are you reading this blog anyway!?”    One more time “I am wonderful, talented, beautiful, and perfect.”  This time I want you to sit and wait for the chatter. Have a good meditation.

Real Deal Meditation: The Big Picture

The Big Picture

I was talking to my class the other day and someone shared a comment/question that I need to share my thoughts on.  The question was this: “what are we going to do about what is going on in the world? We have nuclear plants melting down, we have civil war going on in multiple countries and many other problems.”

There is one thing I have watched over my lifetime meditating.  Sometimes you have to let things run their course.  I know that sounds like that I am not engaged in what is happening in the world and what is going on in it, but I look at my life and this is what I have observed.  When I had my head on the bar being drunk, I now know it was a wonderful thing for me.  When I was sick and had just about enough energy to get out of bed I now say thank god.  When I had to write the word that was needed to fill out a job application on the palm of my hand because I was dyslexic I now say I am humbled by the gift that has been bestowed on me.

Every one of these things was something that brought me to type this post for you at this moment.  Every one of these things happening in the world at this time is called change.   Maybe in a few years the Middle East will be a place that promotes peace and equality.  Maybe nuclear plants will be a thing of the past because the world will come together as one to create a worldwide power grid where everyone is equal and we put our heads together to harness clean, powerful energy sources shared by all.

I know hindsight is something that you have wait and watch, and you want to do something right now.  So for right now, take your intention for a better world, let that be your meditation, and watch it unfold in front of you.

Real Deal Meditation: Silent Masters

Silent Masters

After I wrote the last post (Universal Love) I started reflecting on these two people, the princess and the stable hand.  They could not tell anyone about their love for each other and they could not act on their love either.  They shared it with universe and never told anyone.  They never took credit for bringing prosperity, healing, and safety to their kingdom.  They shared a pure love that made a change around them and made a difference in the world around them.

What I marvel at is that these two people had a true understanding of the universe.  They understood the ego could not conceive of or understand the love that they were sharing.  They understood that to understand love that is beyond this world they had to move past the ego’s conception and this world’s interpretation of love.  They both realized and mastered that all they had to achieve is the intention and the feeling of love and hand it to the universe to have the universe do what it must.  This is the true lesson for all of us to learn.

These two understood that speaking of their love and their intention to others who were listening with the ego and thinking with ego would have damaged the love that they shared. It would have taken away from the feelings that they shared for each other and which they now were sharing with the universe.  They understood that sharing their love in this way was a blending of their souls into one and becoming one with the universe. Their silent love for each other and turning it to their mastery of meditation, and a great understanding of the universe and themselves, gave them the focus to move the ego aside to allow the universal love to flow.

Real Deal Meditation:Time to Sit

Time to Sit

In my last post (Thoughts Can Kill You) I talked about mental toughness.  Today I want to talk to you about having mental toughness in the beginning when you first start meditating.  Meditation is about learning to sit. It is learning to be quiet.  It is learning to understand that the chatter in your head has no power until you let it.

When I first started sitting in meditation I had lots of rules:  “I have to sit like this,” “I have to breathe like that,”  “I have to act like this,” “my room has to look like that”.  The “have to-s” alone were overpowering. Back then after I did all the “have to” rituals I would sit and then the chatter would start. The “really, are you serious” thoughts and “are we done yet” thoughts and…wait for it… “I am going to relive my day at work” thoughts would all start running.

After that it would be, “my body hurts, I am not comfortable” or “hey I’m tired, let’s call it a day and will go longer tomorrow” thoughts.  

This is where mental toughness comes in. I was nuts back when I learned meditation. I started with a half hour.  I sat there in a dark room fighting my chatter until a buzzer would go off. Maybe it was the way to go for me because I would not give up.  I looked at my chatter as a parent sees a misbehaving child. You understand patience. That’s what you should have with yourself in the beginning.  Actually I say always have patience with yourself. If you have ever practiced meditation you must be laughing right now because this is what you went through.  The funny part is that I still go through these thoughts, this chatter if I choose to.

I have been meditating for a very long time now and here are some things I have learned that are helpful in making meditation feel more natural:

1. Try to meditate about the same time every day.
2. In the beginning find a way of sitting that is comfortable, but not so comfortable that it’s just another place to sleep.
3. If it helps, use music and/or create a ritual that helps you meditate.  The ritual helps you tell your brain it is time to meditate.
4. As meditation begins to feel more natural to you, start to loosen up your rituals a little so that you can bring your meditation into your main stream of life.  Practice reducing your ritual; if you use music learn to meditate without it.  Keep removing the ritual from your meditation practice until all you need is your breath or maybe the sensations of your body or something like that which is with you all the time.
5. Take your meditation on the road; meditate at the mall as you walk around, take it to work.  Meditation is a practice to create silence. Eyes open, eyes shut, it does not matter.  Meditation is real life. It is the eye opener of what you’re missing.

The key is sticking it out to make a time to sit in your life.  You will discover your true self. You will not be disappointed.

Real Deal Meditation: The Art of Ritual

The Art of Ritual

We all have ritual in our lives.   Ritual might be the side we sleep on, which chair we sit in at supper, or the route we drive to work.  Everything in life, if you do it enough, creates a sequence of movement and thoughts and becomes a ritual.

Now let’s talk about ritual in finding your path to enlightenment. I have rituals. When I sit to meditate I sit in the same room, in the same chair, using the same opening thoughts that I have used for the last twenty years. There is nothing wrong with ritual.  In the beginning I looked for ritual because I thought it was going to bring me a better practice or a better meditation.  I mixed and matched different meditation practices and philosophy, trying to make the right ritual for me.

As I kept adding on to my ritual for beginnings and endings of my meditation, I had less time to meditate. My ritual started to over power my meditation. It became long and a waste of time. Meditation is about finding the silence in between thoughts.  What does ritual do?  One answer that comes to mind is it is for giving thanks to the power outside of yourself that you believe has power over you.  When I realized some of the external routine was just taking time away from my practice and looking within, I adjusted my ritual. Now ritual for me is about having my mind know that in the next few minutes I am going to be meditating and it will be acting accordingly.

My ritual is about going into my meditation room and sitting in my chair that happens to be real comfortable for me to sit in as I meditate.  My mind is now conditioned to my ritual so that when I walk into my meditation room and sit in my chair, it knows that it is time to meditate.  I have other short rituals that help me when I am away from my room and my chair too, like when I place my feet flat on the ground and watch my breath.  These actions send a message to my mind telling me it is time to meditate.  When I am walking and talking in life, like at work or home, my ritual is finding a second to feel my breath and notice the silence and understand the silence’s name is Enlightenment.